my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
