tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
