Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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