It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pooping to opera.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
