is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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