dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
