Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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