The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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