I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
