My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
