Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
