I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
