Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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