What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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