You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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