Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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