if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
