We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
