Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
