Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
