Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
