she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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