I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
