I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
