apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't turn off my feet"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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