Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
