We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize