After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
