A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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