she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
