Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
