I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
