The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The Olympian is in my bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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