she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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