Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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