I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I FOUND THE LEGS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
