Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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