He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
