worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
