Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
