Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
