Betty ford says i'm here all night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
