Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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