someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
