I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
