Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
