The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
