Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
