Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
