And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
