Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
