So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
