Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
