Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
