I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
