I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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