You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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