this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
