Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
