If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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