i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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