When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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