right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
