my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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