I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
