using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
