what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
