He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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