Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
