i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I know her cup size but not her name....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
