grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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