why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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