cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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