oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
