im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
