just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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