I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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