we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
