i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
