Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
