and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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