Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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