So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
