At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize