she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
