A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
