i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
