I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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