There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
