Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As shirtless as possible
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
