; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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