Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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