I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
