Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
