Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
