I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
