Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
