Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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