i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
3pm strippers are depressing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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