He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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