Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
