I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
