I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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