I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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