all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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